Not Sure Where To Go

Well, the title pretty much sums up the entirety of my thought processes for the past couple of weeks.

I used to know where I was headed.

When I left high school, I knew I wanted a job. I wanted to work for a year and save up money for university. I applied to four different universities, three well-known and highly praised, the last well-praised but only a small crowd had heard of it. I was accepted into all, but I chose the small one. It seemed most homey. I didn't like the thought of going to a place that was so big you'd have lecture halls filled with 500 people. I like the small 30-people-at-most classes.

I started my first year there knowing that I wanted to become a teacher. I was sure of it. I was going to spend five years at the university: three years for my BA in English and two years for the Education After Degree so I could teach. Then I was going to find a job at a small school somewhere, find a small cottage to live in, and find a guy to marry me and live out there with me.

By the end of the first semester I had changed my focus to a music major, psychology minor. By the end of the first year I decided that I wanted a music major and drama minor. So that's where I am right now, second year going after that music and drama BA.

Something inside me still wants to be a teacher, but I have changed my focus for now. I want to graduate with the three year BA from here, then I don't know what I want to do yet. I know that I don't want to settle down somewhere yet. I know that I want to continue learning. I know that I want to explore and go on an adventure.

This all happened about three weeks ago. One day I had my life planned out, then I woke up the next day and I wondered why. I don't really know all that much yet. I want to explore so I can experience new things and learn. I want to figure out what exactly I can't live without.

I want to always be surprised.

It happened around the time that my grandpa passed away and my dad got married (which were like two days apart). I guess those two events shook my world a bit and made me think about what I wanted out of life, at which point I realized I couldn't answer that question.

So I started looking into travel abroad opportunities. Since I want to both learn and travel, I started looking up schools in foreign countries. My first impulse was to go to school in Norway, but apparently I have to have a certain level of Norwegian language fluency in order to complete a degree there, so until that happens, I'm going to have to go somewhere that speaks English.

I don't really know where I want to go yet, but it's going to be somewhere with a culture quite unlike the one that I live in here in Canada (not that Canada only has one culture, in fact it has many, each completely different from the next). New experiences are fun. I enjoy fun.

I can't wait. 2012 I graduate from here. That's the start of a real adventure.

Over and out.

AND Just So You Know...

GOD is definitely the LOVE of my life.

He is always there to comfort me.

He points me where I need to go.

He tells me when I do something that makes me stray.

He protects me.

He makes me smile.

He's mighty.

He's holy.

He's worthy of my praise.

AND.

That word is great. It means that there is so much more. One description is not enough to cover it all. That's where the AND comes in. I quite enjoy it.

Post Script: God, you're my hero. Keep doing all those tubular things you do.

What is love?

So I just realized there's something important I don't know but feel I should know...

What is this thing we call 'love'?

Some might say it's a feeling.

If you look it up in a dictionary it might say something to the effect of: "a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person."

But that's what it used to be.

I walk around and hear the word tossed around like a ping-pong ball; like it's nothing special.

I love cookies is a good one.

I love soccer is neat.

I love you... that's a phrase I hear far too often. It's great that you are fond of everyone, but where does it become insignificant?

The word love, I feel, should be used when there really is a deeply profound feeling present. One that changes your life completely. One that you can't live without. One that makes you feel as if you'd be incomplete without it.

I'm not saying you shouldn't love your neighbours, that would be silly. The thrick is, you should love your neighbours as yourself. Not as your significant other. To be in love with someone is different.

I like this, this thing we call love. It is fun. It makes me feel great.

Here's a challenge I have for you. Next time you use the word 'love,' make sure to put real feeling into it. Make sure it changes someone's life.

-Over and out- Manda